Finding Joy and Optimism Amidst the Bullshit: How Coping and Anti-Anxiety Tools Help Focus on Things You Can Control
In March of last year, it was like our subscription to 2020 suddenly got canceled without our permission. With little time to adjust or even knowing how to adjust, we all just had to deal with it, and that was that. So, how are you dealing with it?
When it comes to the things you can’t control, the best way to cope is by focusing on the things you can. It is always possible to find joy and be optimistic amidst the bullshit and the anxiety it typically brings along with it.
Here are a few simple things you can do every day, whether you choose to do all of them or start with one. The point is that by living intentionally for even a few minutes at a time each day, the more in control you will feel of your mood and happiness levels. You cannot always control your external circumstances, but these coping and anti-anxiety tools will remind you that you can always control the way you respond to them:
Yoga before bed
It’s normal to experience high anxiety levels during a time like this. It can make your breathing shallow and cause your heart rate to pick up, and chances are it’s been impacting your sleep as well. Calming poses before bedtime will help you relax, alleviate stress, and get your mind and body ready for sleep.
Try Legs-up-the-Wall pose:
Face a wall and lie on your back. Scoot your hips up against the wall so your legs can be extended above you and rested on the wall for support. Put your arms wherever is comfortable and close your eyes. I like to use a weighted eye pillow in this pose because it provides gentle pressure that helps me relax and blocks out light.
Meditate
Whatever ideas you have about meditation and you not being able to do it because you’re not calm like the Buddha or Gandhi, go ahead and toss those ideas out the window right now. Anyone can meditate, and it will teach you to use your breath as a tool to cope with anything and everything.
Try this 4–7–8 breathing technique. No worries if thoughts come through and cloud your mind; just come back to your breath whenever you can:
Sit on your floor, couch, yoga mat, bed, or somewhere outside and close your eyes. Count in your head as you inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of seven, and exhale slowly for a count of eight.
If you struggle with those numbers, you can choose any pattern that works for you! Sometimes I feel like 7 and 8 are too much, and I feel like I’m gasping for air at the end — you definitely don’t want that. In that case, try a pattern like 5–5–5.
Read a book
If you feel like you’re spending a lot of time thinking about your own story lately, get lost in someone else’s instead. Reading a book is a great way to take your mind off your worries and the thoughts that seem to keep circling in your brain.
Take a shower
Whether you are struggling to focus on your work or to find some alone time away from your parents or siblings at home, sometimes you need a quick reset. When I struggle with an assignment or need ten minutes alone, I escape to a place where no one else is welcome — the shower. You might even need to have a good cry too in that nice, warm, judgement-free zone.
Take what you need — incorporate some calming essential oils or shower steamers and feel like the water is washing away whatever thoughts or events occurred before then. When you’re ready, step out of the shower and give yourself a chance to start over.
Strike a pose
Child’s pose, that is. I like to leave my yoga mat out all day, every day, for one reason — I never know when I’ll need to walk away from a negative situation or emotion to lie face down for the world’s most calming and grounding pose.
There are many variations for Child’s pose, so put your arms in front of you or behind and keep the knees wide or together — whatever feels best in your body. Stay in this pose for 2–5 minutes, taking deep inhales and feeling your back body expand.
Practice gratitude
You are bound to have days when it’s hard to get out of bed and begin, especially when you feel like your life lacks plans or direction. Whenever I struggle to get out of bed, I lie there and make myself say out loud three things I am grateful for and three things I am excited for. These things can be as simple as what cereal you’re having for breakfast or the plans you have later in the week to go for a run with your friend.
One of the ideas behind why this works to boost your mood and get you going is that you will be more likely to look for things to be grateful for and make plans if you know you will have to recall them every morning.
If you feel silly talking out loud to yourself, I don’t blame you. You can write these things down in a journal instead. Alternatively, you can follow a guided journal where you answer similar questions every day in the morning or night to help track your mood. Or you can use a blank notebook to jot down whatever thoughts you need to get off your chest at any time.
As hurricane 2020 continues to blow into 2021, you might be thinking to yourself, why do I have to learn how to cope with this BS? I didn’t choose any of this. And while you’re not wrong to feel like all of this is unfair, to that, I have to raise one more coping tool or challenge for you: shift your perspective. Whether it is the tools listed above or something else you learn, you have been given an enormous opportunity to build resilience and learn how to cope with anything that comes your way in the future. You should be proud of yourself for taking this time to slow down, learn more about yourself, and how to take care of your mental health.
