Saying “no” can feel impossible sometimes. Seriously, I’m terrible at it. Whether it’s plans with friends, projects at work, or family obligations, people tend to toss out yes’ left and right until there’s no more room in their lives for the things they want to do. Having too much on your plate may seem like NBD — you’ve probably been juggling multiple tasks at once for ever. But spreading yourself too thin can have serious consequences.
Sometimes it’s better to miss out on a party, lighten your load at work, or skip one family event for the sake of your sanity. Stay in, throw on a sheet mask and RELAX. Once you get over the guilt (I get it...really), you’ll find that you’re a more present friend, employee, and loved one. Just trust me on this one.
That may sound hard, but you can do it. Take a deep breath, and check out these quick and easy tips and you’ll get through it.
Focus on You
It’s tough to say no to people you respect or care about. If your partner/boss/coach/whomever asks for a favor, remember that no is always an option. Explain why you can’t do it (you aren’t obligated to explain yourself if you don’t want to, either) and know that they’re human, too — they’ll get it. No one‘s going to hate you because you had to pass just this once.
Saying “no” is one of the ultimate forms of self-care. Just do it.
Your well-being > that plan
Author Paulo Coelho once said, “don’t say yes to others if it means saying no to yourself.”
It’s fine to forgo that party to sleep. No, seriously. Forget that nagging voice in your head that tells you “YOLO,” or whatever. If you’re feeling exhausted, or just not into it, you don’t have to go. You’re not doing anyone a favor if you try to suck it up and go. You probably won’t even be much fun in that state, TBH. There’ll be other weekends. Your friends aren’t going anywhere. Skip it!
Small Steps
Perhaps the idea of saying no to people gives you extreme anxiety: Start small. You don’t have to explicitly say no. Instead, offer another option. Can’t make the plan your friends have for Saturday night? Suggest grabbing brunch the next morning or a different plan for the following week. Likewise, if someone asks a favor of you that you can’t do, ask them if there’s another way you can help. This should shut out the voice in your head that tells you that your friends will be disappointed, or drop you, if you can’t do what they want to do all the time.
Know your limits and stick to them. It’s not selfish to prioritize yourself and say no from time-to-time.
It may seem easier to be a Yes-Man (or woman), but you can’t do it all. Learn to say “no” and free up some space on your plate. You’ll be better for it in the long run.
